Clips clip Rockets

Chris Paul and the other Clippers flexed their muscles

Houston at Los Angeles Clippers, November 4, 2013.

“Tempers clash in an early-season matchup,” the promo announcer intones, and this is before the game has even started…

Studio host Matt Winer says Doc Rivers is either the best or second-best coach in the NBA, with Popovich in San Antonio. Is Erik Spoelstra biting his lip?

J. J. Redick opens the game with two jumpers, then another one a minute later. A Dukie in the starting lineup is enough to not root for the Clippers…

Blake Griffin is averaging 21 and 11, so why does he still look like he’s underachieving? The Clips are the number-one scoring team in the NBA…

James Harden launches an airball, Dwight Howard misses a dunk, and after Redick drives (!) for a layup, the Rockets are down 15-6…

Howard has two fouls with less than six minutes gone…

Chandler Parsons, fresh from the tanning salon, has a couple of nice driving layups, but the Clips are rolling. Chris Paul has nine assists in ten minutes…

Howard returns and immediately picks up his third. The Clips lead 42-25 at the quarter…

Omri Casspi (not to be confused with teammate Omer Asik) gives Houston a nice lift off the bench with 12 points, and Greg Smith has 8 points and 6 boards in the second quarter (his first points of the season). The Clippers’ defense keeps everyone in the game…

DeAndre Jordan sinks the first of 2 FT and looks around for more people to fist-bump after he finds he has only four teammates. He makes the second, too. The Clips lead 78-66 at the half, putting up a team record for first-half points. Redick has 19…

Second half is more of the same. The Clippers surge out to 15 or 20 points ahead, the Rockets threaten to threaten. Howard looks like the same old fun-loving guy. James Harden’s defense on Redick, as the color guy points out, is “non-existent.” Chris Paul does a lot of dribbling. On one possession he makes at least a dozen fakes. The Clippers return to Lob City, and after one particularly impossible throw-down by Griffin on a Paul lob, they all retire to the bench, leaving Jamal Crawford to mop up with a series of hoists somewhere over the rainbow. Final is 137-118. The Clippers still lead the NBA in scoring. 

Warriors vs Kings

DeMarcus Cousins

Sacramento Kings at Golden State Warriors, Nov. 2, 2013. “A new chapter in this epic rivalry…the excitement is back in Sacramento!” screams the pregame promo. Except someone forgot to tell the players. DeMarcus Cousins, for one, is about as excited as an undertaker…

Greg Napear on play-by-play and Jerry Reynolds, color man and former Kings coach, welcome us to Arco Arena. There’s a pregame profile of Kings guard Isaiah Thomas, who at least pronounces his first name correctly, unlike the more famous Isiah (I-SIGH-A, shouldn’t it be?) Thomas, the Pistons imp of the perverse. Jerry calls Isaiah, a U. of Washington product, “The Hustling Husky,” which sounds like a sled dog in the Iditarod run…

Thomas is a live wire, but Santa Claus himself couldn’t pep up this bunch…

John Salmons starts for the Kings. We look forward to his matchups later this season with Brandon Bass…

The game starts with two baskets by Andrew Bogut—righty hook then lefty hook, both over Cousins. In between, Cousins clangs a 20-footer…

“The Kings’ offense is holding the Kings to 14 points in the first quarter,” Greg quips. That’s before Ben McLemore throws in a half-courter at the buzzer. 27-17 Warriors at quarter’s end…

The camera shows Kings’ owner Vavek Ranadive (accent grave over the “e”) flashing the shaka sign, all smiles in spite of the prospect of a long, long season ahead…

2^nd quarter. Cousins collects two idiot fouls within 12 seconds of one another, hacking Bogut on one of them 20 feet from the hoop. He goes out, and seconds later Bogut gets a mismatch with a Kings guard down low. “He’s got a mouse in the house,” Jerry says. Bogut squints at the basket from the line, looking more than ever like he’s taking an excruciating dump…

Rookie coach Michael Malone keeps a stiff upper lip as his Kings fall behind by 20. The Kings shoot two delay-of-game penalties. “This could turn out to be their best offensive weapon,” Jerry remarks…

Luc Mbah a Moute (anagram: O! Ambulate much?) comes in for a spell, unable to stem the tide. 56-36 at half…

3^rd quarter. The red-hot Kings score eight straight out of the gate. Whoops—Klay Thompson hits back-to-back 3s. Bogut fires up after semi-tussle with Cousins. He slams an alley-oop from Iguodala, blocks a shot and rips a rebound, rapid-fire. When Curry buries a 3 to put the Warriors up 27, Malone pulls his starters, halfway through the quarter…

Ground Chuck Hayes stokes the dreams of couch potatoes everywhere…

Travis Outlaw (anagram: Larva outwits) slams a rebound, failing to excite his teammates on the bench, who look like members of a chain gang…

The Warriors called for another delay of game. Jerry and Greg riff about the Warriors holding a practice session to cover not slapping the ball when it comes through the basket…

Curry heats up, and our two announcers decide he is a bargain at $10 million for four years. He has five 3-pointers now, the same as the Kings, who are 5 for 25…

There’s a Jimmer Fredette sighting at 3:07 left in the game. He waits a full 30 seconds before hoisting one…

Final: Warriors 98, Kings 87. As the players file out, we don’t see anybody kissing Cousins.