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| DeMarcus Cousins |
Sacramento Kings at Golden State Warriors, Nov. 2, 2013. “A
new chapter in this epic rivalry…the excitement is back in Sacramento!” screams
the pregame promo. Except someone forgot to tell the players. DeMarcus Cousins,
for one, is about as excited as an undertaker…
Greg Napear on play-by-play and Jerry Reynolds, color man and
former Kings coach, welcome us to Arco Arena. There’s a pregame profile of
Kings guard Isaiah Thomas, who at least pronounces his first name correctly,
unlike the more famous Isiah (I-SIGH-A, shouldn’t it be?) Thomas, the Pistons
imp of the perverse. Jerry calls Isaiah, a U. of Washington product, “The
Hustling Husky,” which sounds like a sled dog in the Iditarod run…
Thomas is a live wire, but Santa Claus himself couldn’t pep
up this bunch…
John Salmons starts for the Kings. We look forward to his
matchups later this season with Brandon Bass…
The game starts with two baskets by Andrew Bogut—righty hook
then lefty hook, both over Cousins. In between, Cousins clangs a 20-footer…
“The Kings’ offense is holding the Kings to 14 points in the
first quarter,” Greg quips. That’s before Ben McLemore throws in a half-courter
at the buzzer. 27-17 Warriors at quarter’s end…
The camera shows Kings’ owner Vavek Ranadive (accent grave over the “e”) flashing the shaka
sign, all smiles in spite of the prospect of a long, long season ahead…
2nd quarter. Cousins collects two idiot fouls
within 12 seconds of one another, hacking Bogut on one of them 20 feet from the
hoop. He goes out, and seconds later Bogut gets a mismatch with a Kings guard
down low. “He’s got a mouse in the house,” Jerry says. Bogut squints at the
basket from the line, looking more than ever like he’s taking an excruciating
dump…
Rookie coach Michael Malone keeps a stiff upper lip as his
Kings fall behind by 20. The Kings shoot two delay-of-game penalties. “This
could turn out to be their best offensive weapon,” Jerry remarks…
Luc Mbah a Moute (anagram: O! Ambulate much?) comes in for a spell, unable to stem the tide.
56-36 at half…
3rd quarter. The red-hot Kings score eight
straight out of the gate. Whoops—Klay Thompson hits back-to-back 3s. Bogut
fires up after semi-tussle with Cousins. He slams an alley-oop from Iguodala,
blocks a shot and rips a rebound, rapid-fire. When Curry buries a 3 to put the
Warriors up 27, Malone pulls his starters, halfway through the quarter…
Ground Chuck Hayes stokes the dreams of couch potatoes
everywhere…
Travis Outlaw (anagram: Larva
outwits) slams a rebound, failing to excite his teammates on the bench, who
look like members of a chain gang…
The Warriors called for another delay of game. Jerry and Greg
riff about the Warriors holding a practice session to cover not slapping the
ball when it comes through the basket…
Curry heats up, and our two announcers decide he is a bargain
at $10 million for four years. He has five 3-pointers now, the same as the
Kings, who are 5 for 25…
There’s a Jimmer Fredette sighting at 3:07 left in the game.
He waits a full 30 seconds before hoisting one…
Final: Warriors 98, Kings 87. As the players file out, we don’t
see anybody kissing Cousins.
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